Okay - this is probably gonna be boring, and very long - but if I don’t write it down I’m going to forget…
I had the most crazy, long, majorly intense dream ever……
So, yesterday I was at my place, just cleaning and reading and making business calls and stuff…I mean business call.
Anyway, at around 10 or 11 I was in bed watching TV..or rather shows that I had Tivo-ed and I was really tired and kept falling asleep but (*this is isn’t the dream, by the way - it’s pre dream) I didn’t turn off the TV and kept waking up and rewinding and rewinding. Finally I gave up and drifted into hard core sleep…
It’s confusing, but I’ll try…
I had rented an apartment with these two other girls..it was a crappy place and my rent was like, $337 or something..I had my own bedroom. At the same time I had another cheap apartment for around the same price..
I was out with my sister Jan at a pub…then she asked me to drive her home ‘cos she didn’t want to drive and I was going to stay at her place, that for some reason was in Burlington (where I really grew up but in real life she lives outside Vancouver)..
We went back to my place to pick up some of my stuff. While I was there I realised that I hadn’t paid my rent for May and was worried so I went to visit the landlord to work it out. The landlord was a slick, gangster type of guy…but not so cliche and I somehow fixed it. It was strange because I seemed to have gone blank - like days were missing and I couldn’t understand how I had ended up renting two places and also how I had not paid the rent…where did these missing days go?
By the time I got back to the apartment (that I now seemed to shared with Sarah Jessica Parker and someone else) the thing with my sister had evaporated and it was day time and the apartment looked different and I figured out that the other place that I was renting was right across the street and you could actually get to it by climbing out the living room window of the shared place and in the window of the other place…I know it’s confusing. I’ll call the shared place A and the other B…
Also, it looked like a weird New York at this point… the windows were dusty…
All of a sudden a ‘party’ started to take place at A…people I didn’t’ know. They seemed younger than me and I didn’t really know them…
I looked on the couch and Nick Swardon was sitting there with…? ( I can’t remember) and they were my other roommates at place B (they had come thru’ the window)…
Anyway, the party was happening…It was still day time. I was confused but started partying and stuff. This strange girl insisted that I gave her a piggy back throughout the party…People played music…Finally I went to find my CD’s to put something on…I kept looking for some Cd’s that Mitch had made..Not his real ones but some other ones that I treasured and couldn’t find them. I was really upset. I found a CD with music that Mitch had made and put it on. The music was amazing and everybody was into it….(*I wish I could wake up and write the song that I was dreaming - it was so good. I could feel it’s effect in my dream. It seemed to be a song about Mitch - about how I felt and feel about him. In the perfect words)…
The party takes on a dreamy, intense, beautiful feeling of mutual understanding about all there is to know about the sexiness of love and life…
Then other songs play…Great songs that don’t quite produce the intoxicating effect as before….It’s okay, things take on a more ‘real’ tone for a while.
Okay. So other weird shit took place…Nick was being funny….I was twirling around in a long winter jacket with little pieces of wood in the pocket that I tried to eat but gave me splinters on my tongue…
At one point - I climbed thru’ the window to my other place - B and was getting something when I heard a noise…I opened something - an old radiator, maybe - and a full grown dog came out. There was a cloud of dust around him and he seemed super thirsty so I gave him some water…I think he said something and disappeared…
I went back to A and tried to tell them and people were like “Oh, Lynn..”..I remember Nick being a comforting figure …making me laugh and stuff…but then he and his friend - our other roommate from B left to go get pizza or something more confusing - and I was like “Don’t leave me at this strange party!” and they laughed and went anyway, promising to come back…
More shit took place…I kept going back and looking for anything that pertained to Mitch. At one point someone said the name “Mitch Hedleberg” or something and I was trying to correct him…
Okay….stuff happens then at one point I feel something touch my leg…I look down and see a huge crab…a huge, menacing crab with a reddish green shell. I scream as I see it because there are hundred of little crabs around it - they are coming out of a hole in apartment A…swarming the room.
I start freaking out - and at the same time they rush back into the hole. Or scurry back and nobody else sees them…
I try telling everybody about it but I’m not making sense. Then some people leave because they are going to their prom or something…
I hear the bark of a dog..THE dog, I think…
Then the big crab comes out again..Everyone sees it. Someone grabs something - a golf club? 0 and cracks the back of it, and it breaks and ooze comes out..it’s gross. Then a million crabs come rushing out around us as everybody scoops them up and starts throwing them outside - through a newly formed door and staircase (six, maybe seven stairs)…
I pick another CD but can’t seem to open the case..the plastic won’t rip..
This other comic - I can’t remember his name - (*damn….um…I knew it in the dream) shows up and he and I go to Apartment B (thru the dusty window - it was easy since they were very close) and we start talking. He is now wearing the coat with the wood pieces in the pocket…I can’t remember what we are talking about. This time I’m being really funny. I seem to be ‘performing’ in some fashion and the other roommates and party dwellers are laughing and getting into my ‘thing’..
Music plays. Crabs mill around the room. Another huge one shows up. Another “Crack!!” across it’s shell..I start feeling fearful and bizarre…
At this point the two apartments seem to have become one - in a way. We still treat them as two but they seem to be separated only by a ‘floating’ window and an old, decrepit wall…
I - or someone - looks at the bottom of the wall and notices the face? or snout? of what seems to be an over sized eel…
It’s peeking out from a hole in the wood (*As I’m writing this, I’m getting shivers - it was really scary)…
I kneel down to look closer and it sinks back into the hole…Other eels (or serpents, maybe?) are now peeking out of other holes and cracks..Everybody notices and all Hell breaks loose…
The two apartments become older than ever - taking on a sepia tone…Is that a cobweb in the corner??
The new comic guy has put several fireplace screens in front of any opening to hold back the—what ever they are… The fireplace screen look like the radiator thing that I had seen the dog come out of earlier…There is no sign of the dog…(I had been the only one to encounter the dog before)…
I feel a sense of relief when Nick walks back in…He’s carrying a pitcher of beer and claims “The place around the corner is selling pitchers for only $1!!”…He takes me to a newly formed window (not the window between the apartments), wipes off some grim and points to a place down below - a bar where I see some shadowy figures entering and exiting…
“Cool”, I say..”We should all go”
We can’t seem to leave. It’s strange that the bar is way down on the street, because earlier when we were throwing out the crabs the street was only a few steps down as the door from apartment A had opened onto it..
Okay..The EELS…..
The eels were pushing out - into the screens…Someone grabbed a knife and tried to swipe at one…but missed and the eel cam out further..
I’ll describe the eels - or serpents - or whatever the fuck they were..
At first, all we could see was the head…It looked the the head of a big fish. Huge. I couldn’t see eyes or anything but ooze covered it…
Then - I swear - Oprah was on the scene…She seemed to know a little somethin’ or other about the creatures that we were dealing with…
She told us that keeping them at bay wasn’t the way to go..we needed to ‘flush them out’..Kill them….How?
We learned a frightening story as to what was happening and that we needed to take action…At this point that story was just and idea and I don’t really recall what the deal was….yet..
I decided to step up to that plate with some sort of idea in my head that I was just being silly at the party earlier - and I had been. I was answering people’s questions in a really bizarre, nonsensical way…I had been laughing and a dream like way for most of the day…
I grabbed a large knife….Or was it a machete?
I marched up to a the eel that had crawled the furthest out of the wall…I was really scared, but had some sort of feeling that I had to fight these things and that if I did….something would change. I didn’t know what, but was driven…
Everybody was crowded around some sort of creature…I put my arm back and stabbed the eel thing at the back of it’s head…and started hacking. I was cutting it into hunks and called for a plate to put the pieces of - meat? - on. The colour of the flesh was kinda green and pink and covered in a slick goo…
At this point we realized that they were about 10 feet long, as they squirmed out of the holes every time I cut them…
I kept cutting and cutting…filling plate after plate of flesh. At one point I look at the plate plied with eel, and thought it resembled the carcass of a huge melon..Not cantaloupe, but the other green one. I think I even saw tiny seeds buried in the guts…
I heard Oprah yell above the commotion, “Great job, Lynn!!!”. She told us to take the plates of stuff outside and out it on the heap of garbage outside, “Let the dogs eat it!!”.
It seemed like hours as I hacked away and took the plates - piles really high - outside and saw scrawny dogs eating it…They were happy to have something to eat…they seemd to be starving and were thankful.
What the fuck? The crabs had returned also and we killed them…
So this goes on for a long time….Slowly people start to leave and it’s just one or two of us doing the job…I was sweating and working hard…I was now wearing a strange dress. It was a worn out, ‘Little House on The Prairie” deal - but loose. Flowing….
I remember Oprah saying that she need help at her place later that night and was hoping she picked me but she made a comment about wasn’t I a pornstar?” and I said, “what the fuck are you talking about?” and she said “’sorry - I’d love to have your help”..
She didn’t say what the job was, but I remember thinking that it was going to be pretty at her place..I pictured candles and rose petals on the ground, for some reason…
Even in my dream I was thinking, “Are we in Chicago?”
I had know idea where I was. What was going on…who I was, but…
I kept up with ridding my apartments of the crabs and ancient fish - which they now seemed to resemble..
There was only a few people left and it seemed that all the creatures were dead. I remember a feeling of relief. I looked around - hunting for more - when the dog I had met earlier came out of a panel that opened in the wall. He was really thirsty and looked at me with a,
“Can you hook a dog up?” - look in his eye…Hell ya’ dog!!
He went out to the steps and waited.. I think he was walking on two legs. Whatever…
I grabbed a cup and filled it with water from the tap and put it in front of him…He seemed to laugh and said,
“Ya’, that’ll quench my thirst!”, and everybody around who heard started to laugh as I realized how thirsty he was and went and got a huge bowl for him..
“That’s better Lynn” he said and began to lap it up..
He knew my name? I didn’t really question it, since everything was crazy. Never mind that he could talk..
**I know this is going on forever - but it’s so fresh in my mind…Some of you have probably given up - I don’t blame you.
Okay…next thing I remember, myself and another girl (I think it was the girl that I had been piggy backing at the day party earlier - looking back now I think it may have been a girl from my past in real life but I can’t make out who it is..she seems to have had almost white blonde hair?)…are now doing the Oprah job..
I don’t know where we are but it definitely wasn’t a fancy mansion or apartment that one would picture Oprah to own or dwell in…
It’s hard to describe - I’ll try….I can’t seem to see anything that resembles a living situation..It’s more like…umm..
Okay…Me and the girl are standing. At eye level are what seems to be similar to the holes earlier - where the fat, long snakes had lived and come out of….Did I mention that the eels (snakes, creatures, whatever) were thick - about as think as large watermelons - in the middle and tapered slightly on either end)
So we’re standing. Wearing work gloves - like gardening gloves. It sort of resembles a loading dock…In front of us are the holes again and the eels start coming again - fast and furious…
We have better equipment this time and we get to work…It’s as if this is our job. Destiny and there’s nothing we can do about it…
It’s hard work and we don’t complain for some reason…and where the Hell is Oprah??
After a bit, a voice comes over a loud speaker and starts to talk to us…At first we think it’s Oprah. I can’t remember what the voice was saying - it’s as if someone is behind or even in the walls where the creatures are guiding us. The Wizard - in the wizard os OZ comes to mind…
Soon the voice becomes more demanding, sinister even and it scares us…I don’t like it at all and begin to plan an escape. Fuck this! Right?
She thinks so as well but we can’t seem to stop…It stinks….I’m scared..
Suddenly, an especially large version of the slimy fish comes towards me and I can’t control it…It starts to purge…guts and goo comes out of it’s mouth and the girl screams but tries to help me…
I see a head coming up from the contents of the stomach and what appears to be a human face…
What the fuck? In a split second a girl/woman lands on top of me, covered in watery ooze…
I can’t really remember the chain of events right after this…the overall feeling is really creepy, filled with the frightening thought that I’ll never get out of this nightmare (within a nightmare really)..
The serpent girl is all of a sudden clean and talking to us..She looks normal, wearing jeans and a sweatshirt. Long hair - she doesn’t have any half human, half animal qualities that I can see…
I’m also wearing jeans at this time. As well as knee high rubber boots and a work apron covered in the grime and slime of my new ‘job’….I look at the three of us, we are all dressed similar and all start back to the strenuous task at hand…
The new girl has her own hole to work with. Where did it come from???
The voice become more dominating…telling us that we’d better not stop - or else?
Or else what?
I don’t want to find out, so I keep on cutting, stabbing, killing. Is this what a slaughter house is like?? And the things keep on coming…
We learn that the new girl has been trapped in the wall and inside the ‘thing’ for years and is so happy to be out. She doesn’t care what she does, as long as she’s free, I guess…
It seeps in that it could happen to me if I’m not careful. And my ‘friend’ from the party..
I hate the situation..I start to think, what if every eel has a person inside and we are killing them?
The new girl tells us that a few years ago she went out - to the store maybe - and some man grabbed her and she ended up in this crazy situation…
She seems to think that she’s learned her lesson and it was her fault somehow…then Oprah comes back - in voice - and is talking normally about the dangers of walking alone at night…
Funnily, we all nod and agree - like it’s normal to be inside an eel stomach for decades (that’s how long she was in there, I think!!)
I decide I’ve had enough…Haven’t I saved someone, ride two apartments of evil and hooked up a thirsty dog, after all? Enough all ready…
I tell the others that I’m going to take off….I whisper because I’m afraid of the non-Oprah voice…
I start to let my creatures just fall thru’ the holes and get ready to go….the other girls start warning me that it’s a bad idea…”You shouldn’t leave”
Okay s0 so weird warnings and stuff happen….loud booming voices tell me that I will not go…
Then a different voice comes over the speaker, “I HAVE A TASK FOR YOU!!”
Great. He/she (can’t tell what the voice is, at this point) lays out the plan…
It tells us that for 24 hours, two of us must continue working inside with the eels. The third must go and stand outside on the street during this period…..
We have to decide who does what…the person outside must stand in one spot. No moving, no sleeping, no talking - for 24 hours…
At first I want to be the one that goes outside - I see it as an opportunity to escape and get help for all of us….
Then I realize that it’s freezing outside….images of New York in the winter, during a blizzard….ice cold. It’s strange because before - during the day it had been spring-like.
How long have I been at the dock??
The other girls agree that I should be the one to go outside, but I don’t want to freeze to death..
I want to try to escape but I’m warned that if anything happens - if I try any funny business - we will all be swallowed up forever. The ‘new’ girl is begging me, “Listen to what they say!!Please!!”
Finally, it’s decided that I will go out…I start to think that maybe the others are in cahoots..All of a sudden I trust no one..
I’m standing outside. It’s day time. It’s freezing out. There is a sliver of sunshine on the street close to where I stand, but I’m scared to move since I don’t know who is watching.
There are very few people outside, on the street. Anyone who passes me from time to time, I try and look in their face to see who they are or if they are a part of this….this hellish situation..
Time passes and I realize that there is no way that I can survive this. My feet and legs are frozen to the point where I can’t feel them…I move slightly to the area where sun is lighting the sidewalk, but when I get there it moves. I can’t seem to reach it.
Also, I can somehow ’see’ what the other girls are doing. They seem to be working, but I feel my mind is playing tricks and maybe it’s a tape or something that they are showing me….
Time passes. How much?
I see the dog from before disappear in an alley and I decide I’m going to follow it - but I can’t move. My feet are frozen, like ice. They are attached to the sidewalk. Help!!
In the alley - it’s across the street from me - I see a figure. It’s not the dog - it’s human..For some reason this person doesn’t seem to be operating in the same season as me.. I strain to see. It’s a man, walking somewhat towards me.
I want to yell, but I can’t talk. I keep trying - it’s so hard. I seem to feel within me that the ‘voice people’ from the dock are in me knowing what I’m trying to do and they ‘play’ an enactment of my fate if I succeed in reaching out to this man…
It’s of me and the other girls being sucked into the evil vortex and trapped. Living among the creatures that earlier I’ve killed…It’s hell…I see me yelling for eternity for help in this prehistoric-like dwelling…
The man seems to be walking in slow motion towards me…He looks familiar. He gets closer and I decide to try and get his attention, but once again I can’t speak..
He seems to be surrounded by summertime - in fact it looks like he’s wearing clothes that one would put on if they were to go boating. Or play tennis - it keeps changing..
He gets closer and speaks to me. I can’t really hear what he’s saying - but the closer I get the warmer I get. It’s as if the sun is following him and effects me. I start to melt. It hurts, as my legs, arms and face feel the warmth which brings each back to life..
“Sir…I can’t talk to you because they’ll make me live inside a snakes body for ever. And this other girl was in one for a long time because she went to the store at night….”
I’m rambling, making no sense as he looks at me..
“Darlin’ slow down. No one is going to hurt you. And what’s this about Oprah?”
I love this man and suddenly realize that it’s Mick Jagger!!
I try and explain the story. For some reason he believs me - he wants to help, sure that the situation isn’t as bad as I think it is.
Another person passes us. Staring….then Mick’s eyes change and he tells me to wait and he’ll go and get help. I don’t want him to go and think that he is involved and reacting to the stranger that just walked by…
I convince him to take him with me…
Then, we are on a boat. It’s sunny. The other girls show up. Everything is okay, I think…
I can’t really remember the events after this….we are safe.. I think Oprah shows up and I hear Mick giving her a hard time, in a teasing manner. Telling her she can’t just scare people all the time…
At one point Mick goes down below to make us some drinks….I see some dust coming out of the trap door that leads to the boat’s cabin down below….the dog comes skippng up the steps, but doesn’t say anything…
I wake up…needing desparately to pee.
Sorry about the length of this post….Maybe I’ll get rid of it…or maybe someone else has had the same dream. Who know??
I have know idea what the fuck it was all about..(I’m readin a book named ‘The Watcher’ by Charles Maclean and it’s a bit weird, I suppose. Also, I rented a couple of docs from Netfix the other day. ‘My Bother’s Keeper’ and ‘Reckless Indifference’ - maybe they had an effect - but nothing related to 10ft eels…)
I’d like to thanks my sis, Nick Swarzen and Mick Jagger for helping a me feel better during this nightmare!!! Sarah Jessica Parker was only in the dream for a second…and she didn’t show up during the crab and eel infestation.
I’m not crazy, by the way = I hope. And I don’t want to be known as Lynn ‘EEL Slayer’ Shawcroft, either.
